Tuesday, August 30, 2005

My First Post: I call it "Everybody Poops - Even Oprah"

Anyone who may have caught Oprah yesterday knows what I'm talking about. Her show was all about being healthy and a good chunk of it was about POOP! Spening a few minutes in the bathroom checking stuff out can let you know how you're doing health wise. Check it out:

"...you should rely on your senses in the bathroom. For starters, have you ever thought about the importance of what your bowel movement sounds like when it hits the water? Listen up!

"You want to hear what the stool, the poop, sounds like when it hits the water. If it sounds like a bombardier, you know, 'plop, plop, plop,' that's not right because it means you're constipated. It means the food is too hard by the time it comes out. It should hit the water like a diver from Acapulco hits the water [swoosh]."

"...looking at your stool—c'mon, you've done it before! You should look twice—look at the shape and then, the color.

"It should be an S shape and you want to make sure the color's normal because the color of the poop tells you a lot about how you made it," Dr. Oz says. "You don't want [pieces]. Food is a medicine for you. It helps you. [If the stool is in pieces] by the time you finished digesting your food, you don't have enough of it left to poop out in the right way and probably it's hurt the colon that has to process it. At the end of the day you can analyze your body really effectively by looking at what comes out of your body."

I hope you all have heathly poops!

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Private Pooper

I too had the joy of experiencing the creepy peepies of that brat in the public washroom. I don't even like to pee in a public washroom and will only poo in one if it's a real emergency. This poo was starting to poke out when the kid started staring, and I wasn't lucky enough to have her mother tell her to stop. I stuffed toilet paper in the hole in the door, but was pretty paranoid. By that time, I was I pretty sure the poo had started back through my intestines for my stomach since I had a bit of trouble convincing it to come out. I only managed to squeeze out enough to feel comfortable again before making a quick exit to get away from the kids.

Until we eat again...

Pooping is something that I like to do alone. I think most people feel the same way. A stranger watching you poop is very unsettleing, and this I know from an experience. Yesterday I was having an emergency shit situation and had to resort to a public bathroom, which I usually avoid when a suitable alternative is available. In this particular public bathroom, there were holes in the door where old locks had been, and after I had sat down some woman's child started looking in this hole and would not stop. And the woman let this go on for a while before putting an end to her child's creepy peepiness. Eww. Threw me right off.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

2 in 1 Poop

I had a poop this morning. A 2 in 1 poop. What is this you ask? It's one of those poops where the first part of it is one color and half way up is a TOTALLY different color. The first part being left over poop that I couldnt squeeze out yesterday and it just sat in my bowels and combined with the new coming poop from my last meal. It almost a piece of art when you look at it. Two completely different meals colaborating to make one beautiful piece of...shit. The body can do wonderful things.....

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

wow, is betty poop and i the only ones getting our fiber intake? everyone, pull your pants down and PUSH!

on monday morning, i rushed to the bathroom FOUR times! in the SAME MORNING!! no lie.

1st time: looked like one of those forks you use to find water, complete with corn decorating the edges

2nd time: two Snake poops, nothing fancy. didn't get caught on the way down.

3rd time: at least 8-10 small 'cheese string' type poos. gross

4th time: i think i just expelled poo-coloured water, with a hint of substance.

i believe it was collectively everything i ate the last MONTH.

when i got home, after the boat ride and a taste of the worst vegetable beef soup EVER, i had, like betty poop, 'Soup Poop'.

at least i was at my home toilet and not on the boat. ew.

keep the Cottonelle comin'!

Friday, August 19, 2005

Vacation Poop

I am now in the land of Cowboys and beef jerky galore. it was a long lonely ride out here to calgary,but it's fucking already worth it, and the day is still young!

i hadn't eaten much since i left charlottetown to halifax for my flight. the following is what i had eaten:

-mustard, lettuce, green pepper on whole wheat sandwich (home)
-a few croutons on the boat (salad was disgusting)
-a few honey mustard and onion pretzel bites (in car)
-half a cup of tim hortons yogurt and berries (in car)
-decent salad and corona (at airport)
-glass of red wine and cashews in airplane
-half a granola bar at airport in edmonton
-small cappuccino and some cheerios mix in calgary

it looks like a lot written down, but that is over two days, and none is a real dinner.

so anyway, now that you know my food intake, here is what it ended up like.

i had only mediocre poops on the thursday at the airport in edmonton. none on the plane, but i was really farty and burpy on the plane ride! like a LOT. they weren't stinky or very loud, but came by the army full. today, while at vince's place, i had what i like to call "the Snake"

the snake comes out in full form. not three separate pieces, but one long log. and it tapers off at the end like a tail. and let me tell you, the stink is like a poisonous BITE! pee ew. thank god i was the only one home.

i feel like i lost about 5 lbs, which is fine by me since i'm still bloaty.

time to go read outside in the glorious sun and wait for the real action to start tonight!

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Beginning yesterday to this morning, I have had a total of 4 separate shits, all of which included corn. Lightly distributed I may add. but it was there. I just can't believe I had 4 #2's in the past 24 hours. Christ. I'm usually a 1 (maybe 2) poops a day kinda girl. but who's complaining. As long as it ain't running out of me like last weekends explosion.

Signing off and wiping from front to back.....

Monday, August 15, 2005

Sunday PotLuck Poop

..made it's way out tonight.

i could feel it moving throughout my intestines. it wasn't life-changing exodus of crap. three drops and it was done. but...the STINK! it was absolutely horrid. i'm not one to light a match after a shit, but this was one of them times. an hour after i done the deed, my sister went in the bathroom and even commented on it.

so, the poop itself wasn't spectacular, but it's stink was!

Italian Wedding Poop

I know I told the story already, but it was my first case of diarhea in a LONG time. I ate a bowl of Campbell's Italian Wedding Soup for lunch and after we got back from eating pizza at Adam's that day I got back and had to RUN to the bathroom. It was PURE soup that came out of me! Spinach and all! I was in there for 25 minutes. It was like peeing from the wrong place! I took a nap after that fiasco and vowed never to eat Italian Wedding Soup again.

Now i'm left awaiting the corn/blueberry/mussel BM. Can't wait.

The First Poop Post

i haven't gone yet. but i can feel my bowels working. i'm going to be greeting that corn and mussels again soon. it was so good going down, but i'm scared of it going out.