Sunday, May 28, 2006

ya know, i made an observation yesterday.

i think that when i wear a thong, it stimulates my butt-hole, making me want to poop more often.

seriously.

does this happen to anyone else? i had to poop a lot yesterday, and just how my thong was rubbing me....i think there is a direct relationship between the two.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

i pooped today.

it made me feel thin.

it was like a five pounder.

seriously.

i wish i could shit at LEAST ten pounds away.

then i'd feel worthy.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Do You Believe In Magic

I have a chair at my computer desk. I swear it's magic. I don't know how it does it, but I swear that if you sit down in it, within minutes you will have to poop. Forget xlax, if you are constipated, come on over, because I have the cure for you!

I discovered the true magic of this chair the day I returned home from Vancouver. Early that morning at the airport, I had to poop and I very muchly wanted to get it over with before getting on the plane. I wanted a comfortable flight you understand. Off I went, the bathrooms there are quite nice, but I had nothing. Nothing.

I tired again once more before going through security. All efforts were put in, but with no result. It was starting to piss me off. I boarded the plane. What a long flight. I tried twice more in the teeny tiny bathroom on board, once through some turbulance when I should have been at my seat with the seatbelt on. Lemme tell ya, don't try that at home. Or really, on a plane, cause it does not quite work at home.

By the time I got to Montreal, I was still unsuccessful and I gave it another shot at Trudeau Airport. No dice. 7 hours later and nada. After a delayed flight and the car ride home, I was ready for bed. But I had to check my email first. I sat in the chair.

By the time I had finished reading one email, there it was. I was ready! SOOO satisfying. One of the best feelings EVER. I went back to continue reading emails. Within minutes, I was ready to go again! Once again, satisfying to the max. I hit the hay.

The next morning, I woke for work and sat at the chair once again. I dont' think I have to tell you what happend next. The chair saved my sanity.

Since this day, everytime I sit down in that chair it brings sweet sweet relief. I don't know why, I don't know how. But I love it.

THE MAGIC POOP CHAIR. Come on over and try it.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Poop Dates

Oh man. Can date squares ever give you the shits! And the gas! My Dad made a huge pan of date squares and we've been eating them for like 3 days and we are all farting like crazy! Like massive explosive smelly old farts! And we've all been shitting like 5 times a day! Well my Dad, maybe a few more. So if you want to clean out your system eat some date squares!